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February 13, 2014 / MissSteele

Was That a Weird Thing to Say?

sheldon-kisses-amy-the-big-bang-theory

 

Do you ever just have a brief lapse in judgment where you assume something you are about to declare is common opinion and you actually end up on the unpleasant end of disgusted stares? I hope you have because if not, then my worst fears are confirmed and I am, in fact, the only person to which this happens.

The reason I bring this up is because it seems to happen to me in the most mundane of situations; situations that shouldn’t call for this sort of hoopla. For example, the other night I was having dinner with family and my aunt got all giddy about her favorite sitcom, a little known show called ‘The Big Bang Theory.’

“Did you watch it the other night?!” she asked my mother, who proceeded to agree with her that it was just the sweetest little episode ever. Then, my aunt gushed about how Sheldon actually KISSED his girlfriend, Amy. Naturally, I was confused because I am apparently the only person in America who has never seen a single episode of this show.

“He kissed his girlfriend?” I asked, trying to understand the shock everyone was feeling that should not come from a grown man kissing his girlfriend of two years.

“Yes,” she replied. “It was a long kiss!”

“Why is this a big deal?” I asked. Then, I immediately regretted even asking at all.

“IT’S A BIG DEAL BECAUSE THEY’VE NEVER KISSED BEFORE!” she shrieked at me.

“They’ve never kissed before?! And they’ve been dating for two years?!”

“YES!”

“WHY?!”

“He has a touch phobia,” my mother chimed in. “So they haven’t kissed.”

I decided to ask the question that I assumed everyone else was thinking, but I completely overestimated that idea. “Why are they even together then?”

“Because they share similar interests, they are both smart, they like each other,” my mother sweetly said as if that was going to prevent me from asking any further questions.

“Well…how do they have sex?” I blurted out, honestly curious as to why two people would stay together for two years without any physical contact. Ever.

“THEY DON’T!” my aunt once again shrieked at me.

“Then what’s the point?” I asked laughingly, but no one joined in my laughter. They just looked at me like I had just admitted to being a brazen hussy. Suddenly my aunt, who insists on showing me pictures of the tw0-penised man every time I am near her, was acting rather prudish.

As I looked around at them staring at me in disbelief, I started to recap what I had just said. I had pretty much just admitted to my family that to me, relationships were pointless without sexual gratification being involved. Yes, not my wisest move, but Jesus Tap-dancing Christ you would have thought I just told them I liked to dropkick puppies for fun. Even my cousin appeared to be shocked by my comment and didn’t seem to find it funny, and she just had a baby so I happen to know for a fact she puts out. I mean, she’s married and whatnot, but still.

“Well, you don’t watch the show!” she yelled. “So, you don’t really understand!” I was expecting her to slap me in the face and scream, “HOW DARE YOU QUESTION SHELDON COOPER! BE GONE WITH YOU, WHORE!”

My comment had officially lulled the room to silence, and an awkward pause lingered for a bit. Eventually, my aunt got distracted by a cat video and we all moved on, but it was certainly uncomfortable for a moment. I resisted the urge to follow-up my comment with “Yeah, you heard me. I am a grown-ass woman!” But, I managed to stifle it.

 

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7 Comments

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  1. Ned's Blog / Feb 13 2014 8:24 pm

    If ylou find yourself in this situation again with your family, just shout “BAZZINGA!” and all will be forgiven. I’ve only seen the show twice, made a similar mistake the second time, and was able to avoid being burned at the cross by using that BBT “safe” word. But it was a close one…

    • MissSteele / Feb 13 2014 8:31 pm

      Phew, you must have been shaken by that experience! I’ll have to remember that safe word next time. Hopefully I won’t mispronounce it and deepen my predicament.

      • Ned's Blog / Feb 13 2014 8:33 pm

        Glad to help — but don’t quote me on the spelling 😉

  2. BrantleyNewton / Feb 18 2014 7:51 pm

    In the future, just pretend to pass said comment off as a joke. Your mistake right here was that you doubled down. You gotta read the room.

    • MissSteele / Feb 27 2014 6:49 pm

      Read the room. Don’t double down. Got it. 🙂

  3. reocochran / Mar 8 2014 5:17 pm

    This was a rather blunt comment to family members, but in our family we do this often! I guess asking about the show may appear forced but it would help in the future, to carry out a conversation… so easy to say, not always able to do this. I am a put my foot in my mouth, kinda gal! Smiles, Robin

    • MissSteele / Mar 11 2014 6:42 pm

      Yes, my family is a bunch of over-sharers and we enjoy emotionally scarring one another. 🙂

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