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March 5, 2014 / MissSteele

If That’s the Case, Where’s YOUR Wheelchair?

Do you know how easy it is to start a fight online? Of course you do. Everyone does. The internet is filled with all types of people with all types of opinions, so there is bound to be a moment of discontent from time to time in the comments section of any online article or status update or picture.

Most of the time, you can just state your opinion and wait for the backlash. It doesn’t even have to be anything on a taboo subject. For example, here’s a controversial statement: Bacon is overrated. Now, if I were to say this on a comment board of some sort, Jesus Tap-Dancing Christ can you imagine the horror? I’d probably be called any number of derogatory terms.

Still, sometimes you just can’t help but to get sucked into an argument. It happens so easily- someone says something incredibly moronic and you feel the need to correct their dumb ass. Does it do any good? No. It only splashes gasoline onto the already powerful flames that are engulfing all areas of reason and logic left in the world.

Granted, some people are just looking for a fight. These trolls, or “neckbeards” if you will, are lurking in the underbelly of the internet, waiting for you to say something- anything- just so they can metaphorically spit in your face and call you a “lonely fat ass” or something to that effect. They really just want to ruin your day and are looking for any excuse to argue with you. Each comment they make is evidence of the fact they have no lives outside of their mother’s basement, and each statement they make is made with the utmost enthusiasm. It’s like they have been waiting for your comment their whole lives.

Sometimes, these dwellers have a platform of which they would like to speak. They can turn any innocent statement into a soapbox rant about politics or religion or de-clawing cats. For example, someone writes an article about the record-breaking snowfall of 2014. This is innocent enough on its own, right? It’s just an article stating a fact about the weather.


Or, that’s what the comments will say anyway, and reading them can cause irreversible damage to your brain. One minute, you are reading an article about how chicken nuggets are made, and the next thing you know you have been sucked down an internet rabbit hole after reading some comments mentioning PETA and the war on illegal aliens.

It’s because of this that I often avoid internet debates (I use the term ‘debate’ loosely). I do not have to participate in every argument I am invited to attend, so I just don’t. I especially do not acknowledge trolls because I read somewhere that if you ignore them, they shit themselves. It might not be true, but it’s worth a try.

Despite my lack of interest in internet debating, I occasionally find myself unable to resist the urge to wave my pimp hand strong and slap some sense into these mofos. One such occasion was last night when I was casually browsing Pinterest, per my nightly ritual. I came across this little nugget of humor:

photo 1


Get it?! It’s funny, right?! You see, because they are talking about a person in a vegetative state, not an actual vegetable! And the person who ate the popsicle didn’t understand the dark nature of the joke at first! Ha! Comedic gold!

Anyway, this thing had about 6 comments from people who just couldn’t understand the punchline of the joke. They were saying they didn’t ‘get it’ and asking if someone could explain it. I’m guessing these people don’t work for NASA.

Just then, a miracle occurred! The cries of the people were answered by a girl of brazen intelligence, who descended from the heavens to deliver the explanation that would set them free from their emotional anguish! She said:


“Mentally retarded people are known as vegetables.” That. That is what she said. Shall we count the things wrong with this sentence? No, we shan’t. But, we can agree this is not the correct response, as being mentally disabled does not automatically warrant a wheelchair. You would need a physical impairment of some sort, would you not? Everyone (I thought) knows that one can be physically disabled without being mentally disabled, and vice versa.

After seeing responses from people who were taking her word as gospel, I became fearful that these misinformed kids were going to unleash their newly-found knowledge onto the world and start using ‘vegetable’ as a socially acceptable term for the mentally impaired after asking them where they parked their wheelchairs. I had to say something. Anything. I thought about explaining the term “vegetative” to her, and letting her know everything that was wrong with what she said, but I knew it was in my best interest to type it as simply as possible, so I replied:

pick this one


I tried. I really did.



Leave a Comment
  1. SuperPoised / Mar 6 2014 2:37 am

    I about died laughing reading this! I had to show all of my roommates, and they thought it was just about as funny as I did, because we all feel the exact same way you do about some things that go on, on the internet. It is sad that people online are this stupid, and are willing to just flaunt their stupidity. I also try my best to not get into any sort of internet fight, or comment on anything I think will stir up anything. Although, just as in this case, there are times where something just needs to be said, which sadly normally end up just making that person look even more dumb, because then they reply like the person did in your post.

    • MissSteele / Mar 6 2014 3:49 am

      Haha, thanks! I’m glad it amused you and your friends. It just kills me sometimes the things people say. Sometimes I just can’t help myself.

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