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March 20, 2014 / MissSteele

Do a Pinterest Project, Greet Your Horrific Phobias at the Same Time!

Pinterest can light a crafty fire under anyone’s ass.

Don’t know what to do with all those spare tires strewn about your yard? Pinterest knows!

Need a new headboard but you only have some old wine-corks and a roll of duct tape? No problem!

Want to decorate your house using only paint samples and crap from the street? Sounds good!

Yes, Pinterest is the mecca for home decor tips and artsy fartsy fun. It can be a great resource for someone who is looking to build a greenhouse out of recycled pallets and a hobo’s stolen tarp, but it is also home to disastrous ideas that can only end with a priority story on the 10 o’clock news. So take caution, friends. I wish I would have.

You see, I am a crafty-ass bitch. So naturally, I flock to Pinterest like it’s Tom Hiddleston holding a month’s supply of Toaster Strudels. Most of the time this is great because I enjoy “upcycling” old furniture, making wreaths and putting my energy into crafting instead of bull-whipping the shit out of people. But, I don’t want to talk about work.

Anyway, one of the very popular pins circulating these days involves turning a salvaged window frame into a fabulous picture frame or mirror. Sounds easy enough, right? It pretty much was, except it took a little time to find a salvaged, wooden window than Pinterest had led me to believe. Everyone on Pinterest seemed to have miraculously stumbled upon these windows on the side of the road. The only things I found on the side of the road were McDonald’s cups and dead opossums.

Long story short, I bought a rather large frame from a guy who had several sitting out in his yard. Perhaps he was capitalizing on the latest Pinterest craze and decided to stock up on the stuff. Either way, I was very happy with my window. My hubby and I turned this:

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Into this:

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Shabby chic, ammiright?

So anyway, this window-mirror has been mounted in our bedroom since early January. Keep that in mind.

As I was lying in bed the other night, I began to hear a distinct buzzing sound that can only be given off by a flying insect. This, I tell you, is a sure-fire way to get me to panic.

I’m not sure if it is the actual buzzing sound that terrifies me or the suspenseful game of ‘will it sting me or not’ that I get to play each time I hear the noise, but I really don’t like bugs that have the ability to hurt me. It’s a bit embarrassing because I can’t stand for any sort of bee or wasp or other Hell-spawn to get near me, so if one does…well, it ain’t pretty. Once during a staff meeting, a wasp began levitating towards me with that ‘Imma-gonna-getcha’ look and I freaked out. After yelling, “There’s a wasp!” and flipping my chair backwards, I ran out of the conference room swatting at it with my folder while my coworkers looked on in disbelief.

So anyway, hearing the noise in my bedroom didn’t exactly give me the warm and fuzzies. Luckily, my cat swooped into action and tackled the thing to the floor.

“What is that?” I asked my husband who picked it up with a tissue and proceeded to flush it down the toilet.

“Some kind of bee,” he said, as he got into bed and turned on the TV.

Twenty minutes later as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard buzzzzz buzzzzz lingering through the air once more.

There’s another one in here!” I yelled, as the cat proceeded to go crazy.

“Maybe that other one came back up through the toilet.”

Oh great, just what I needed to hear. After that comment, I wasn’t able to pee without fear that a bee was going to sting my butt…or worse. The good news: nothing came back up from the toilet. The bad news: it was a totally different bee.

I began to worry there was a nest or something in the bedroom, but there wasn’t one to be found. I slept with one eye open that night in case their bee buddies decided to enact vengeance upon me.

The next day, I had nearly forgotten all about my bee-trauma, came home from work and took a hot shower. As I opened the door to the bedroom, I HEARD THE NOISE AGAIN! Then, I saw it. There, on my pillow, was another bee! And then, buzzing in circles above the bed was yet a different bee! And another! And a few more!

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I screamed for my husband who started beating them with a shoe. “WHERE ARE THEY COMING FROM?!” he yelled as he swatted them with a flip-flop.

“They all seem to be coming from the dresser area,” I said, praying we wouldn’t move the dresser to find a large bees’ nest attached to it.

“There’s nothing back here,” he said, putting the dresser back.

We both stood glancing around the room, when I heard buzzzzz buzzzzz. Only this time, we saw no bees.

“Oh my God,” my husband said, staring at our window-mirror. “I think they are in the window.”

Yes. Yes they were. I looked at a hole in the window and saw one of their heads poking out at me. We could hear them moving around in there. Come to find out, they were carpenter bees who had made a home in the window and had been hibernating in it since long before I picked it up. The day they made an appearance was the first warm day of the season.

I had been sleeping in the same room as a hive of carpenter bees for nearly 3 months and I had no idea. If you don’t know what carpenter bees look like, here’s a little visual:

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LOOK AT ITS MOUTH! LOOK AT IT!

So, lesson be learned fellow Pinteresters: be weary. All that glitters is not gold. And sometimes that salvaged window you picked up from someone’s lawn is full of bees.

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Hey there.

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One Comment

Leave a Comment
  1. snoogiefisk / Apr 24 2014 1:35 am

    I hate carpenter bees. We used to get them in our pergola all the time. We finally moved. Okay, so it wasn’t cause of the bees but theysure didn’t help none.

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