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June 6, 2014 / MissSteele

Follow The Yellow Brick Road of Insane Search Terms

Welcome back, sexy lady (said the imaginary readers I dreamt up just now). Yes, this is my first blog post in over two months, but I have been avidly reading everyone else’s posts on my tiny IPhone screen. So, really, I’ve only been neglecting my own posts.

You see, what I have discovered in the past couple of months is this: a new house + a new job = no time to blog. But, now that things have calmed down a bit, I can go back to pleasing my two faithful readers, one of which is undoubtedly my mother, with my rants and self-deprecating humor. So yay!

Anyway, I need to ease myself back into the world of blogging, so I’ve decided not to make this post about my biological father’s recent announcement of his plans to wed a Filipino woman he met online. That little gem will just have to wait. Instead, I will take this time to reflect upon the search terms that have led people to my blog.

Keep in mind, many of the terms are just your everyday run-of-the-mill words one might expect would lead someone to my blog, such as the phrase what is in crisco or unicorn vans. I wasn’t even surprised when I saw steakhouse explosive diarrhea. These are what I would describe as “normal” search terms and I can see why these terms would lead someone directly to my site. I can even understand why I pooped in the shower or falling off a treadmill may inevitably steer a reader in my direction. These are sort of odd search terms, but they aren’t far-fetched considering the material on this disgrace of a site.

However, how does one end up here from Googling family of lions on LSD? Better yet, why would anyone feel the need to Google that? Is there some sort of epidemic of lion families ingesting LSD of which I am not aware? Was there a documentary about lion cubs who are born unto addict parents and must provide the means to live for themselves because Mama and Papa Lion are too busy trippin’ balls in the Congo to fetch a zebra for them?

All night for the right price, baybay

All night for the right price, baybay

Where was I when this aired? I know what I was NOT doing, and that was totally Googling  chimps getting hosed and sorry I pooped in your shoe like some people were apparently doing. Someone even searched for rubbing one out and it led them straight to me. That’s not concerning at all.

My favorite, however, was the search term this fat woman let me fuck her fat rolls. First of all, what the actual fuck? And second of all, HOW DID THAT LAND THEM ON MY SITE? I may talk about a lot of messed up topics on this site, but I have never breached that particular line of inappropriateness. If I start divulging that sort of information it means I no longer have any social boundaries whatsoever and everyone should be frightened.

 

 

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2 Comments

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  1. Sean Smithson / Jun 7 2014 8:48 am

    Wow. Now those are some disturbing search terms… Welcome back by the way.

    • MissSteele / Jun 11 2014 6:23 pm

      I know, right? Honestly, I’d love to see the ones you get. I bet they are WAY crazier.

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